i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
