either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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