remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
