soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
