Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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