i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
