I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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