I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
