Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
