I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
