I don't usually arrange sex via text message
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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