i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fuck appropriateness.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
