hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
