its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
