I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
