hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
