are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
