arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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