So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Come see our sink grown plant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
