the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
