Will you blow on my dice?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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