I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
