hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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