I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
