Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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