We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
