I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
