I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
