i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
