dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
