apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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