i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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