my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
