A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
