My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
