oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
