I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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