If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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