just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
