Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I did not marry a roomba.
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