I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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