like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
