Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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