I cockslap morals
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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