Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
