You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
