Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
