im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
