sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
