I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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