Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
